Doune 3-10th September 2005,
Gary Exton
Kate Falkingham - DO and Director of Jigsaw
Operations
Steve “Any second helpings” Hill - CEO Jigsaw
Operations.
Syd Farrow - Department Head
(Straights), Jigsaw Operations (Doune) Chris
“Toast” Knight - Office Boy, Jigsaw Operations
(Doune)
Diane “Auntie Diane” Hepworth
Steve “Crebbit” Hepworth - CEO Crebbitt Union
Ray “Soups” Dawson - TO and Soup Entrepreneur
Richard “Cheeks, University Challenge reading
State the bleedin’ obvious” Farrier – Couch
Tester
Richard “Steady!!” Ward
Joe “Rip Van Winkle” Oilinek –Chief Test Pilot,
SleepEazyland Beds
Gary “Bletherer” Exton - Donkey Hind Leg
Society
Day 1 05:00 Sat 3rd Sept 05
The sound of the alarm clock drags me back from
a deep sleep, one of world cup final hat tricks
against Germany and hitting the last run against
the Aussies in the Ashes.
“THEY THINK ITS ALL OVER - Bloomin’ heck is it
that time already, damn?”
Washed and breakfasted, I packed the remaining
bits to into the car and set off, first stop to
pick up Steve Hill.
Once his kit is loaded into an already
overloaded car we set off on our journey of some
400 miles to Mallaig on the west coast of
Scotland.
After a very uneventful journey through some
breathtaking scenery we arrived in the port
village of Mallaig at 13:00 where we met the
other members of the party.
We weren’t being picked up until 17:00 so where
do all good divers go when waiting any length of
time, yes, the pub.
After one or two half’s and in a quiet corner
watching England play Wales it was time to get
the kit to the jetty and load it on the MV Mary
Doune which would take us the last leg of our
journey to Doune on the remote Knoydart
Peninsular.
Loading the kit
The view that greeted us as we rounded the
headland that formed one of the arms protecting
the little bay of Doune from the nastiest of
weather was breathtaking.
Four or five buildings nestled into the
hillside; this was to be our home for a week.
As we moored the boat to a buoy out in the bay I
wondered how we were to get all the food, none
diving equipment and more importantly the beer
to the lodge.
I was told that 2 volunteers we needed to ride
Kermit.
Kermit turned out to be a large bath type vessel
with an outboard strapped to the back.
I didn’t doubt that it was of a sea worthy
condition so I chose not to volunteer to ride in
it.
However Ray kindly volunteered me and Chris
Knight anyway, cheers Ray.
Kit unloaded, sleeping arrangements made,
showers had, time to settle down and relax.
The Jigsaw Department kicked into full swing and
in this picture you can see the Director, CEO
and the Head of department working flat out to
meet the end of week deadline.
The evening meal, Chilli con Carne, was supplied
by Ray who had prepared the meal at home.
It tasted delicious and was just what the doctor
ordered (not you Syd) after a long day.
A couple of beers later it was time for bed.
Lights out 23:30 (as this is when the generator
is shut down).
Day 2 07:00 Sun 4th September
For those who forgot to turn the light switch
off when the generator was turned off the night
before, LIGHTS ON!!.
For all the others the alarm clock woke us up
around 07:15 other didn’t get up till 08:00.
Aunty Diane was already in the kitchen with her
pinny on preparing breakfast.
Bacon, egg, sausage, mushroom, beans and toast
was to be the order of the day and would be for
the whole of the week.
09:00 Breakfast done, dive planned, Cheeks,
Heppy and I did the dishes, Kate, Steve and
Richard Ward sandwiches and Ray “Soups” Dawson
did the soup for lunch.
Time to head for the jetty to board the MV Mary
Doune, our dayboat for the week.
A short boat trip took us to the first dive site
of the week called Red Island.
Excellent visibility, plenty of sea life
including Lions mane Jellyfish, wrasse,
squatties and much more
Once all back on board we headed for Inverie for
lunch.
Inverie lays host to The Old Forge which
according to the Guinness Book of Records is The
Remotest Pub in Great
Britain.
I was even photographed, which has now been
burned for fear of blackmail, coming out of the
pub with a cup of tea!!
Lunch at Inverie.
Second dive of the day was a little way up Loch
Nevis to a site called Reidha Guail.
Another good dive with excellent viz and plenty
of sea life.
Back to the lodge for showers, dive logs and
pictures down loaded to laptops before heading
to the restaurant for a superb dinner, Chicken
with a sweet and sour lemon source, yummy!
After dinner the Jigsawers hit the board and the
cards were brought out for a few hands of Gin
Rummy and a few small Morgans were taken, for
medicinal purposes only you understand.
Sunset from Doune
Day 3 Mon 5th September.
09:00. All chores carried out breakfasts,
dishes, sarnies and “Soups’” soups made.
Off we set.
Some people took advantage of the bunks on the
Mary Doune during the 2 hour ride to our first
dive site of the day, Hyskier Wall.
Superb dive site on a wall that dropped steeply
which was covered in all sorts of vegetation.
Visibility was 10m + with tons of sea life
including Cotton Spinners, Conger Eels, Square
crabs and poor cod.
Once all back on board it was a quick hop to the
Lighthouse for lunch.
As we had neared the lighthouse we noticed a
couple of Basking sharks but they were a little
too far out.
Whilst Andy filled the cylinders onboard the
Mary Doune we climbed the steps to lounge around
on the rock.
Once on the rock we again noticed the Baskers
this time coming closer towards the gully that
ran between the 2 rocks that formed island that
we were sitting on.
Everybody scrambled about for their cameras,
Kate and Diane donned their dry suits and jumped
(or fell in, in Diane’s case) to try to get a
closer look.
Diane’s entry into the water left little to be
desired. Gave us a laugh though, bless her.
After lunch it was a short hop to Hyskier cave.
A short surface swim took us directly above the
cave and once submerged we went into the cave
proper.
It was dark and full of the usual suspects
including crabs and leopard spotted gobies.
After exiting the cave we followed the wall
round to the left that took us towards the
amphitheatre where Basalt columns littered the
floor.
Leopard Spotted Gobys were seen along with
Lobster , wrasse and another couple of
Congers.
Again visibility exceeded 10 meters
Back to the lodge for showers and the usual down
loading of pictures and dive logs.
Aunty Diane had prepared the evening meal of
Chicken curry before travelling up to Doune and
again it was superb along with onion bhagis and
nan bread.
Another relaxed night of jigsaws, cards, a
couple of beers and lights out at 23:30.
Day 4 Tuesday 6th September
Later start to the usual day as the trip out is
only a short ride to dive the wreck of HMS Port
Napier situated in Loch Alsh.
This Second World War mine layer was blown apart
after a fire started as she was loading 500
mines and 6000 shells for her guns.
Wreckage was strewn along the shoreline and part
of the bridge can still be seen high on the
bank.
A beautiful dive as she lies on her starboard
side and the plates of her port side are missing
allowing the sunlight to filter through.
Pollack, sea anemone, Wrasse and much more life
in abundance. Great dive.
 
Lunch was taken, in preparation for the
afternoons dive, in the picturesque town of
Kyle of Lochalsh close to the bridge that joins
mainland Britain to the Isle of Skye.
This was to be a drift dive on the flood tide
through Kyle Rhea.
Not an ordinary drift dive according to Richard
Ward who described it as “a completely mental
drift”.
There was to be 2 waves of divers.
Soups, Chris, Syd and I would go in the first
wave when the current would only be bumbling
along at 2-2.5 knots. The others would go in
when the tide would be racing at 4-5 knots
The skipper Andy Tibbetts lined the boat up and
in we went.
Down I went releasing the line from the reel out
slowly as I couldn’t see the bottom and didn’t
want to go piling in.
However when I did actually see the bottom I
found that I was flying backwards, a totally
bizarre feeling.
Once Id sorted myself out and positioned myself
approx half a meter from the bottom it was as if
I was flying like Superman.
Hands on the reel with a huge grin on my face
laughing my head off.
Not that Superman ever did that, but you know
what I mean.
It was then the turn of the Nutters: - Diane,
Steve, Cheeks, Kate, Richard Ward and Heppy.
After 20 mins they all surfaced with huge grins
on their faces and a similar story unfolded post
dive with Diane flying backwards at the start,
Richard Ward hanging onto Heppy for dear life
and Kate being whipped by kelp as she went a
little too close inshore.
Once all were back on board it was the short
journey back to the lodge.
Loads chatting about the drift with everyone
agreeing that the dive was “Totally mental, but
bloody good fun”
Dinner was again in the restaurant and again
delicious.
DAY 5 Wednesday 7th September
After breakfast we headed off to the jetty for a
relatively quiet day.
Another short ride round to Loch Nevis to dive a
pinnacle that dropped off to about 105m.
A nice pleasant dive round the rock with again
loads of sea life great visibility.
Not many photos taken though.
We went back to the lodge for lunch and to get
ready for the second dive of the day.
A scallop dive.
Scallops for tea, yum!!
As Andy was going to Mallaig to refuel we
managed to persuade the skipper to drop us off
at Inverie so we could have a quick pint in The
Old Forge.
A couple of cheeky ones were had and a few
T-shirts were bought before Andy came to pick us
up.
Back at the lodge Richard Ward and Aunty Diane
cooked dinner, scallops in a white wine and
garlic sauce with crusty bread, very, very nice.
Day 6 Thursday 8th September
Another beautiful day dawns in Doune
By 09:15 we were on the boat heading for our
first dive of the day.
After a “bouncy” crossing up Cuillin Sound we
arrived at the dive site, Rudh’ an Dunain
We were in for a real treat.
We jumped into very clear water with visibility
easily 20m.
The sea life was in abundance with inquisitive
Cuckoo Wrasse, Ling, Leopard Spotted Gobys
Once back on board we moved around the headland
and the Skipper used the tender to ferry us onto
the Island of Skye where we had lunch.
The views were stunning. We could see Canna,
Rum, Eigg and part of the Outer Hebrides.
The sun was shining and there wasn’t a sound to
be heard, all this against a backdrop of the
Cuillin Hills. Superb!!
The afternoon dive was literally a stones throw
round the corner.
This proved to every bit as good as the morning
dive.
Everyone was in fine spirits as we headed back
to Doune with chatter everywhere on how good the
viz was, the abundance of sea life, the views
and tranquillity of the lunch location.
In my opinion two of the best dives of the week.
It was showers all round back at the lodge and
dinner was again to be in the restaurant.
Venison, having never tasted it I was a little
sceptical but boy was I surprised, it was
delicious. What a life.
Again the sunset looking out from Doune towards
Skye was beautiful.
Day 7 Friday September 9th
I decided not to dive the 2 dives today
The others went “somewhere” and then onto Eigg
for lunch.
The second dive was a scallop dive in
preparation for some people to take them home on
the Sat.
The evening meal was again in the restaurant.
Tonight the chefs pulled out the stops to
produce what I am told was their speciality,
Langoustine (big shrimpy type things in
Yorkshire speak).
With a frenzy and flurry of hands the jigsaw was
finished.
All the staff in the Jigsaw Department drew a
collective sigh of relief, no heads will roll.
Early nights were the order of the day (or
night, or whatever) as the mammoth drive on
Saturday was looming.
Day 8 Saturday 10th September
Time to pack up and leave our little secluded
hideaway and head back to reality.
Everyone was up before 07:30 and with the last
of the eggs Richard Ward and Steve made
omelettes.
Steve surpassed himself with a gargantuan 5 egg
omelette. When cooked it looked like a cake all
it needed was four candles.
Packed lunches and coffee made and shared out
ready for the off.
09:00 Andy came over and Kermit was loaded up.
Syd and Joe were volunteered to escort the kit
on Kermit and load it onto the Mary Doune.
The rest of us were picked up at the jetty.
Short journey to Mallaig, kit unloaded, cars
loaded in double quick time ready for the off.
Goodbyes said and Bon Voyage wished to Richard
Ward as he was off back to gay Paris.
It just leaves me to say thanks to the following
for making my week so enjoyable:-
“Soups” for organising such a superb dive trip.
“Aunty” Diane for assisting in the organisation
and doing all the shopping pre trip and during
the week and for most of the cooking.
Heppy for introducing me to Morgans
Kate for being nice
Sid for showing me that aspirins don’t do much
for broken metatarsals.
Joe for showing us all there really is pain
without gain no matter how many aspirins you
take.
Chris for being younger than anyone
Cheeks for having all the spare kit
Steve for not leaving a morsel of food on his
plate or anyone else’s for that matter.
And last but by no means least, Richard Ward for
being the only gay underwater
Thanks must also go to Andy Tibbetts, the
Skipper, for being so amenable.
Thanks for a great week
Gaz
p.s. Diane did you get to Keswick for six?? |
